"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." (Proverbs 19:21)

Sowing and reaping are principles that impact many areas of our lives. Even our relationships.

In my life, I see their influence in the relationship I have with my adult daughter. She recently turned thirty. As I parented her through her early years, it seemed almost impossible to imagine her at that age. And, my guess was that when she reached adulthood, she and I would enjoy a special kind of closeness. After all, I thought we’d been close while she was growing up.

In mid-2013, to my shock and dismay, she let me know that she never felt close to me and that she’d had a horrible childhood. Looking back after learning that, I realized that she had started to seem distant beginning in college and then, more markedly, both before and after her marriage in 2006. But I had no idea why. I figured she was just chomping at the bit to leave home.

My daughter currently lives in Leipzig, Germany. In February 2014, we had a long-awaited time together as a family. My daughter and I experienced times of civility, followed by times of verbal vomit, followed again by civility. She let me know that she finds me judgmental, harsh, and self-centered. She made it abundantly clear that she prefers not to be alone with me.

I was frankly one hurt, astonished, and totally puzzled mother. I ventured to ask my son, who is three years her junior, if he had any idea what had been going on between my daughter and me these many years. He asked, "How honest do you want me to be?" I said that, since I asked, he might as well be as honest as possible. He told me that it was his understanding she has strong negative feelings about my personality and my religion.

At first, I was stunned. Then, I felt like laughing with relief. I had been all set to work hard on what she experienced as my various sins; but heck, my personality and my religion are bedrocks! I didn’t see many options for change there, even though a part of me wanted to make plans to set myself "right."

In May 2014, my daughter requested that I give her a call. I had to humble myself to do so, what with my believing that she couldn’t stand me! I made the call and asked what I could do to help her feel safe in our relationship. My ability to ask her that was clearly God in action, because it was the opposite of the hurt, anger, and outrage I had been feeling.

She shared how she felt emotionally abused as a child as the result of my using her as a confidant regarding my difficult marriage. She also felt raised to believe she was obligated to make me happy, to please everybody, and to never say “no.” She requested that I refrain from asking personal questions unexpectedly in public places, that I stop telling her what kind of person she is, and that I please respect her boundaries regarding religion, as well as other social issues. She stated that the past abuse and the ongoing lack of respect for her boundaries cause her to feel terrified, sick, and panicky around me.

I told her I was very sorry and would try to do as she asked.

In processing this experience, I’ve found comfort in a parallel situation. In the book "Falling Into the Fire", a psychologist relates her emotional upheaval when a patient with a history of appearing to "fake" seizures "fools" her. The psychologist's inability to correctly diagnose and treat the patient made the psychologist doubt her capability and made her resent being intentionally deceived. The psychologist focused on her own feelings of inadequacy and resentment, as I originally focused on mine. However, I’ve come to understand that my daughter's thoughts and feelings are her thoughts and feelings. They are not intended as attacks upon me.

To that point, the analogy of a rose and thorns has also helped me. A rose is fragrant to smell and beautiful to see. But it also has thorns that can prick very painfully. The rose does not intend to attack. It is simply prickly, just as it is lovely. All of this is a rose being a rose. For my part, I can give thanks to God for the rose or bemoan the thorns.

Presently, I am finding myself sowing apologies to my daughter, and practicing patience in the LORD’s timing, trust in His love, and awareness of my actions around my daughter. I hope to reap a better, warmer relationship with my daughter in this lifetime. I know there is a possibility that what I’m sowing in connection with her may not come to fruition this side of heaven. But no matter what, I will always thank God for my daughter, my beautiful rose.

What are some difficult things in your life that you can ask God for help in viewing the ‘rose being the rose’? What difficult things are you thankful for today when you look at them in light of eternity?

Susan Jacobson is a newly 60-year old female who presently resides in Bismarck ND. There is only so much Spider Solitaire a woman can play before thinking, "Hmm, what else can I do before I die?" From this arose her interest in blogging as a way to share with other women and praise God. Read more JOY posts by Susan.