I’ve been feeling an inordinate amount of weariness the last two years. Most women can relate. We’re the caregivers to everyone in our circle of influence, from our husbands, to our kids, aging parents, friends, neighbors, co-workers and so on. We constantly unclasp our grip on one person’s hand to allow yet another into the circle. God wired us to care for and about others. There is so much beauty in that! However, all this doing and giving can lead to a feeling of exhaustion if we don’t remain deeply connected to our power source, Jesus.

There are many possible explanations for my weary state, but the top contender would have to be my Restless Leg Syndrome. RLS is the newest addition to my vast and varied repertoire of sleep disorders. Because this condition presents itself at night, sleep deprivation is a common complaint among the “lucky” 5-10% of the population who suffer with this rare diagnosis. It is a brain and nervous system disorder causing strange sensations in my arms and legs, accompanied by an overwhelming desire to move my limbs in a herky-jerky fashion in an attempt to find relief. 

What for years was an occasional nuisance became a chronic condition nearly two years ago. After a summer of sleeplessness, I broke down and made an appointment with my doctor. He prescribed pills that shut part of my brain down, enabling me to lie still. (This is crucial, as you know, to actually falling and staying asleep.) This wonder drug, although it works as intended, comes with a price -- dastardly side effects. I essentially sleep walk through most of my day, fighting through a medication-induced hangover and terrible lethargy. Strongly brewed coffee has been my closest ally in this war against drowsiness.

Although my body often feels worn and WEARY, my spirit remains youthful, full of passion and drive. I cannot afford to suspend meaningful activities, ministries or acts of service until I feel up to it. God’s great love for me compels me to continue loving my family and blessing others as much as possible and however He directs. I, obviously, cannot rely on my own finite strength, but rather God’s limitless supply. He proves Himself faithful, day after day, empowering me to lead a rich, meaningful life, despite my fatigue. 

If I allowed myself, I could host the party of the century. I’d be the guest of honor -- the only guest -- and the occasion I’d be celebrating would be self-pity. Now, before you think I’m some super-spiritual creature who never goes there, let me tell you that I have, and it’s always a drag. Does shaking my fist in frustration at my Heavenly Father produce lovely, life-giving fruit? Is it beneficial? Does it change my circumstance? The answer is NO to all of the above.

Unless the Lord heals me of RLS, I will continue to struggle daily with low energy levels. Believe me, I’ve prayed, requested prayer from family and friends, and made my way to the altar to seek healing. I do believe in miracles. I’ve often thought, "Lord, you parted the Red Sea. You raised Lazarus who’d been long gone for 3 days and had started to give off quite a stench. You created the whole earth and all its inhabitants. I’d even endure some paste made with mud and spit. Whatever it takes, Lord!"

But I also understand that our God is sovereign. It’s His choice. He isn’t a slot machine and I can’t control or manipulate the outcome. I have to just trust the process and know that no matter what, He gives grace and strength for each new day. For whatever reason, at least for now, He has chosen to allow this thorn. My role is to learn from it and press into Him all the more for strength to carry on and live life excellently, with no regrets.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. " (Galatians 6:9-10)

In what areas of your life do you need to press into God for strength?

Heather Brostrom has been a Christian since she was a teenager. She has suffered with depression for all of her adult life and wonders if some day she will have a unique opportunity to share her story of hope and perseverance. She heartily believes that Jesus has been good to her, showing her that life can still be blessed even through adversity and trials. Read more articles by Heather.