As early as 12 years old I remember making a vow that I could only trust myself.  Due to some gossip circulating about me in my junior high school, I made a choice to cut my classmates off. I nursed my feelings of rejection by eating lunch alone at school. I buried my hurt feelings by reading and looking only to my books as “friends.”

Harboring bitterness like this turned my heart callous. For years I was afraid of people getting too close to me. To protect myself from additional hurt, I rejected any offer of help. In fact, this quality reared its ugly head years later when a male friend in the drama company I was traveling with offered to carry my suitcase. I bluntly retorted, “I can carry it myself, thank-you.”  Another man, and someone I really did not know well, countered my rebuttal with, “What! Why are you stealing this man’s joy in helping you?”  

I had never evaluated my actions in that light. This acquaintance could have said other things, but he chose to say that. I was dumbfounded. I thought to myself, “How selfish of me.” I had become so ungrateful. I relented and let my friend carry my suitcase. More importantly, I accepted his kindness to me. 

I’ve never forgotten that experience because of how it changed my thinking. God places people in our lives to be a blessing to us, but sometimes we cut off the blessing simply because we don’t like the messenger bearing the blessing. Oftentimes God blesses us through people who aren’t rich or physically attractive, who don’t align with our political views or spiritual perspectives.

Nevertheless, God can use these people to bless us because he is working in their hearts too.  (Note: not every “helping hand” always has our good in mind, so I often pray for discernment and ask Jesus if He is the one bringing the blessing to me through that person.)

As I grew in my Christian walk, I realized that nursing feelings of rejection and unforgiveness led to some real self-pity parties and prevented me from receiving the love of God through others.  Even now when I have thoughts of self-pity, like “Nobody ever asks me to go on a break with them at work…”, I recognize how my independence kicks in, how I start pulling back into myself, and how I start blocking the love of God through others.

The truth is, I need people. I will never become who God intends me to be as a woman of faith without other people helping me get there. Even things that irritate me about people can be used to help me become more like Jesus if I let them -- if I open up to God and am honest about what these interactions and experiences reveal about my heart, thoughts, and attitudes.

Looking back, I see that my friend who wanted to carry my suitcase just wanted to serve Jesus by helping me. By not letting him, I was cutting off his development as a Christian man. If I would have persisted in rejecting his kindness, he could have become bitter about helping women.

I now want to be a part of others becoming more like Jesus -- and becoming more like Jesus myself -- by receiving help, gifts, hugs, cards, words of affirmation, counsel, correction, or their very own unique way of extending the love of Jesus. “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” (Proverbs 27:17 NLT)

In what ways do you struggle in accepting the love of God from others? Ask God to heal any hurt in your heart and remove any unforgiveness preventing you from accepting the love of God from your friends and family. On a practical note, list some healthy ways to ask others for help instead of always being so independent. 

Sheila Heiser is a writer who loves to spur women on to believe what God says about them, using examples from her life as a woman who married again in her 40’s, completed nursing school in her 40’s and had twin daughters in her 40’s.  She believes that age should never hold us back from doing what God is calling us to do. Read more articles by Sheila.