As a passionate people watcher, I love seeing backpack-loaded children wait for buses or college students buzz in discussion as they tackle their new studies.

But I watch with nostalgia.

I loved school. I loved studying. Almost to a fault, though. You see, grades and honors were my measure of my worth. The relentless pressure within me to make straight A’s squelched my love for learning; many times I made the grade, but I did not learn a thing.  

My classmates tauntingly called me “The Brain” and teased me about taking my books home in a U-Haul.  I laughed with them to cover up how I was feeling instead of sharing my fear of not being perfect.  My obsession with good grades extended until 8th grade when I developed an ulcer.

I knew then that I needed to relax.

I realized that getting good grades was not filling my soul’s needs. I needed something real, something solid, something more. As it was in my nature to look to books for answers, I discovered a book by Billy Graham at the mall book store, Peace With God The Secret Happiness.

I remember paging through this book, reading excerpts here and there, until my eyes were drawn to these words: “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." (Jer. 29:13) Graham spoke of an emptiness in the soul without Jesus Christ. His words captured how I was feeling. I bought the book and so began my journey of discovering not only peace with God, but peace with myself.

After reading this book, I approached life differently, with purpose. I started volunteering at the local hospital as a candy striper. Since I was sort of a wanna-be artist, I found myself sketching pictures of common household items for the speech therapist to use with her stroke patients. My gift as an artist and my studying efforts were now being used in someone else’s life.  Seeing this gave me a new motivation and reason for learning.  I now studied hard to help others and tutored those who struggled with subjects that I knew well.

To foster my newly found love for learning I asked my parents for a Bible.  My anxiety lessened and my ulcer healed as I took to heart scriptures like, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ.” (Phil. 4:6-7)  

The struggle wasn't over though. 

Even though I was a bright student, I still struggled. Speaking in front of others made me very nervous and writing my thoughts both freely and focused was never easy. 

I knew God was calling me to speak in front of others, though, so I pushed myself in 9th grade to be a part of the speech club.

In college, I received help in writing from two English college professors who loved to correct my term papers with a lot of red ink. However, they explained their corrections and gave me tips on how to effectively communicate my thoughts. Prayer then helped me communicate these thoughts freely, without the baggage. 

When I look back on those school days, I can only give Jesus the credit for helping me to step out and do what he has called me to do. Writing and speaking have not always been easy for me, but Jesus has helped me to step into these areas of ministry and supplied the help along the way. He has been the best coach and has been faithful to send me true teachers who saw the gift of God in me and gave me hard lessons to conform me more into His image.  That struggle was necessary, like it is for the butterfly trying to emerge from the cocoon. If you snip the cocoon, you end the struggle for the emerging butterfly. But it’s the struggle that’s necessary for pushing the fluid into the wings. Only then can the butterfly not only emerge, but fly. 

Learning isn't a solo practice.

I encourage you to step into the plan God has put into your heart. And surround yourself with people that can help get you there. Remember, learning is not a solo practice. We may have a good God-given foundation or affinity for learning certain subjects or skills, but we need fine-tuning through teachers and mentors along the way. Don't allow some difficult experience with a certain teacher or subject hold you back from following your passion, from learning all that God has for you.

Where have been your struggles with learning? Do these impact how you approach and live life today? Right now take a few moments to get real with God and ask him to bring you His strength and help. Be bold and forgive any words spoken to you that inhibited your love for learning. Ask God to place people in your life to help you in areas where you struggle to learn.

Sheila Heiser is a writer who loves to spur women on to believe what God says about them, using examples from her life as a woman who married again in her 40’s, completed nursing school in her 40’s and had twin daughters in her 40’s.  She believes that age should never hold us back from doing what God is calling us to do. Read more articles by Sheila.