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“A bad day for your ego is a great day for your soul.” I came across this quote a few years ago while reading Master Your Metabolism
At the time of this story, I was working as a research analyst. I liked my job, quite a lot in fact. It worked with both my introverted and extroverted sides. It gave me space to read, think and write to my heart’s content. And it also put me center stage. Literally. As an analyst, I got the opportunity to speak in different forums and tap into the energy of a group.
One of my first opportunities came when I was slated to speak at one of our summits. This was to be my first time speaking in front of such a large crowd. Curiously enough, I discovered that the size of the crowd didn’t particularly faze me. Although I felt nervous, I was enjoying myself. I remembered my material, and I even worked in a couple of personal stories to illustrate some points. After it was over, I felt good.
And then the reviews came in.
Out of 19 speakers, I was third from the bottom. I am not used to being third from the bottom in anything, or at least anything I care about! As I went through more than 100 feedback forms, I saw “Average” rating after “Average” rating.
And then “Poor.”
And then a few “Get a new line of work.” (Just kidding about this last one, but I’m sure if that option were listed, people would have checked it.)
It was my moment of total and complete mortification. Bury my ego under a nice headstone that reads: RIP. Annoying to many. Enjoyed by few. Knowing I didn’t just bore people but actively irritated them was a hard pill to swallow.
What made these ratings harder to take was the fact that I was up against some incredible speakers. Some of the keynote speakers earned a good portion of their incomes speaking at conferences like this. That I could live with, but when other analysts blew by me too, I could not. As hard as I tried, I just couldn’t control the jealousy.
Clearly, I was in a pretty sorry state.
It took me a while to get over that. Months, in fact. It took so long because I couldn’t think about the event without wincing. Yep, a bruised ego takes a while to heal.
What finally helped? Realizing three things.
1) Control only what you can control.
Are you familiar with the book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
This experience showed me that I cannot control what other people think of me or say about me. I cannot control any outcomes, for that matter. I can only control my inputs, my thoughts, and my actions.
That applies in the spiritual realm too. We can sow seeds, but we cannot control whether something will grow. We can serve, but we cannot control the impact of our actions. We can pray, but we cannot control whether our prayers will be answered. We can share our faith, but we cannot control whether someone will accept it.
But all of this -- all of life, in fact -- is under God’s control. And that’s a relief.
2) Don’t give up.
Have you ever tried putting yourself out there -- at work, church or otherwise -- and it doesn’t go well? Maybe you didn’t connect with the people you were trying to reach. Maybe you got no response, or even a negative response. Maybe you offered a hand, and you ended up bloodied, beaten and bruised.
Now all you want to do is retreat, lick your wounds, and say screw it.
Don’t.
There is an old adage that says, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” That’s got some truth to it. But the Bible speaks of something even more eternal. “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.” (Colossians 3:23 - 24)
Now I don’t believe that working to become better at giving a business presentation will get me an eternal reward. At least not in and of itself. But I do think that God uses whatever we do to form His character in us when we submit it to Him.
In my case, knowing I would have to work at this a lot more to get it right became a lesson in perseverance. “Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame…” (Romans 3:3 - 5)
3) Thank God anyway.
1 Thessalonians 5:16 - 17 reminds us to “be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
When things go well, let’s hope we remember to thank God. But when things don’t go well, let’s also hope we remember to thank Him. In fact, cultivating that attitude of gratitude no matter what we face is a great way to put things in perspective.
For myself, despite my humiliating experience, I thanked God that I had a job I enjoyed, a job that gave me opportunities to practice my public speaking. I thanked Him for the people who’d entrusted stage time to me and would do so again because they believed I could and would improve. I thanked Him for the other speakers, all of those who did so much better than me, because they were role models, living examples I could emulate.
Had my presentation gone perfectly, my prayer would have been a lot shorter, something along the lines of, “Thank God that’s over!” Not having it go well actually helped me spend more time in prayer. Funny how that works out.
As I reflect on all of this again, I realize that a mortifying day can make for a great blog post. But it makes for an even better life.
What embarrassing moments have you had that ended up being a blessing in disguise?
Kaci Bower is the creator of Letters from a Tooth Fairy. When not recording the conversations with the tooth fairies in her head, she plots out social marketing strategies, runs after (and sometimes away from) her two daughers, and wishes that her house would just stay clean. After particularly long days, her favorite thing to do is to crash on the couch with her husband and watch their favorite TV shows. She volunteers as the JOY Blog Editor. Read more articles by Kaci.
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